I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
