I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
