He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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