He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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