I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
