come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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