Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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