my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
