fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
