New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
