If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
