The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She's the barista slut.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
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i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
40s are totally the cure
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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