Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
