WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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