My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
