wat bout pragnant strippers??
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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