So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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