just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
