yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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