we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
