I feel great
I just peed on a car
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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