guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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