Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
