1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
