a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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