Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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