I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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