He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Brb crying the tears of my youth
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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