Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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