is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
