Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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