Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
