there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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