she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize
