Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
