Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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