Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
