I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
