I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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