just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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