You just made me feel so damn special
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
