Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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