Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
