I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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