He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
