So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
babies were throwing up all over the place
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
