Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
