Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
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My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
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I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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