I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
