Sry I called you an 8
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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