my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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