He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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