You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
