I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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