what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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