I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
We need to rekindle our bromance
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
