Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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