She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
