The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
