sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
