I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
