Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
