You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
