hell yes lets make some ravioli
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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