just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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