so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
