R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
