Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
dude i'm inner monologue high
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
