burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
