I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
