He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
