I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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