In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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