Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
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