There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
